Dancing Queen

In my mid-thirties, I began my mid-life crisis (which didn't end until I started transitioning). At that point, I started crossdressing in private. On Sunday, my wife and kids would go to her mom's house and stay there for upwards of 4 hours in the afternoon/evening. So, I would put on one of her dresses, my favorite high heels (which I stole from her, and still wear often), and make-up. Then I would proceed to clean the kitchen while listening to Blondie, Joan Jett, ABBA, etc. I would dance. Badly.

One time my wife came home early to retrieve something. She caught me dancing to ABBA while wearing her dress! It would have been better if she had caught me in bed with someone. We never had sex again after that. This was traumatic at the time, but it seems quite humorous now.

By causing me to be in self-denial for so long, Mormonism led me to be deceptive about this part of my personality. My wife never knew about these feelings before this day when she caught me wearing one of her favorite dresses. Of course, that's not fair to her. But I didn't know any other way to live at the time, at least while staying in Mormonism. Closted lives hurt the people that are in the closet, but they also hurt the people around them. It is not fair to me or my wife that Mormonism required me to deny who I really was.

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